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When my 2-year old son throws a tantrum, I walk away and ignore him. When he fllows me, I still ignore him. I will actually sit on the couch and watch TV and pretend I do not here him. The last thing I want to do is give my son attention for what I consider bad behavior.
I did the whole ignoring thing, but that did not work for my son. It would make it worse – extremely worse because my son would take it out on himself, physically. I guess my son is a little more temperamental and sensitive. When he has a tantrum, it is usually because he is beyond frustrated. The problem is that it doesn’t take him much to get him there. I’m at a loss. I NEED HELP!!
This might sound weird, but when my son has a meltdown or whines I pretend my hand is a telephone and I talk to “Mission Control.” He hears me telling “Mission Control” something like this: “Mission control….hi….yes, Ethan is freaking out again….yep yep yep, I know….he should stop and calm down and apologize and relax, etc.” It’s crazy…he does ALL of that!!!!! Now that it’s xmas, I call Santa!!!!
I may have to try the mission control idea.
I encountered a woman and her cute, blonde little toddler at the mall yesterday. Her son had a meltdown out of nowhere (surprise) and she stayed calm, kneeled down to his level (love it), and really quietly said “Oh no…you are scaring everyone. Look, people are walking away. Your screaming is very scary.” I heard her because I was eating the most amazing pretzel on the wooden bench just beside them. I almost felt like I should get up and walk away to prove her point. MY POINT is he calmed down so quickly and changed his tone. She had to remind him to breathe and be clearer on what he was upset about and he did act up again, but she repeated the same strategy and it was over. They quietly help hands to go get what it was that he left at the previous store (poor guy!).
I think most parents will agree that kids are copy cats, if you want well behaved kids I feel like you need to treat them like little adults and speak calmly to them. I try different ways of telling my toddler “no”, I’ll say, not right now or sure we can do that another day etc. I save NO for stuff that might hurt him, like touching a hot pan on the stove.
I also don’t say things like “No, because I said so,” I try to explain to him why we can or cannot have or do something. One other thing that helps is if we are going somewhere new, I tell him on the way where we are going and why, I also mention if it’s a place where he’ll need to be quiet.
Luckily treating my son like a little adult is working for us, we always get people complimenting him for being so well behaved. He just turned 3 but he sure does play and speak more maturely than other 3 year olds we have play dates with. He actually connects better with older children.
Smart! My mum employed your same strategy with me. It was very natural and I have always, since I was a little girl, been told I have good social etiquette. I was a child by all means, but I always understood that manners are important.
I need a tip. My 4 year old son has temper tantrums and I am not sure how to handle it because he is SUPER SENSITIVE! He will say “You’re mad at me mommy……. you don’t love me……. I want a new home…….. etc.” When I raise my voice and I’m firm with him, he says these things. I feel like it’s a lose-lose situation. I tell him I love him, but I am being serious about him following directions, etc. I say I’m not mad at him, I just want him to listen. It’s nuts. I NEED TIPS!!!!
With my daughter (3.5years) I try to handle the situation before a full blown tentrum has actually occurs. I know that if she is hungry or tired, she’s very sensitive to these, she will blow over everything. So before we go anywhere I make sure these are managed. And I have got rid of sweets/sugar, we just don’t buy these anymore, as the diffrence in behaviour is incredible.
Also, most times I see when she is about to go off and I will try nd distract her straight away. Like when we are at a shop and she’ll want something sweet (if skipping the isle all together isn’t possible) I will get excited and say “OH MYGOD, I DON’T THINK I CAN UNLOAD THIS TROLLEY MYSELF, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!!!’ or something like that, and I find it’s easy to switch her over.
But with a tentrum, I find the above mentioned worked with us:
- stay calm
-IGNORE main driver for tentrums is attention
-don’t reward/give in in anyway
- and encourage/praise good behaviour
I don’t think you should pay attention to his responses, he probably does them because he knows he gets a response.
It hurts when they say things like that, sometimes when my mother takes my daughter over night, she doesn’t want to come home, probably because it’s so much about the baby here. So she will say Ï don’t want to be with you, I want to go back”…AHHH rips your heart out!
Good luck
Alexandra,
THANK YOU SO MUCH. That is great advice from someone who knows. I read your post an hour and a half ago and thought “wow, I should NOT give my son sweets anymore” and five minutes later, I took him to get yogurt with gummy worms. Ridiculous. As we were eating, I thought “ok, what am I doing???” I am really going to work on the NO SWEETS thing.
Ignoring him is difficult too because I feel it makes the tantrum worse, but maybe I just need to be consistent with it and talk with him after the tantrum is done…in a loving manner, etc. Giving him the attention is rewarding him, so you would be right.
I will continue to praise good behavior and I will do it more often! Good reminder! I also think I make the mistake of doing things with him when he is tired. I know better.
I like your tip about distracting…it DOES work! I usually say “Oh look! A bug right there! Check it out!!!” Works most of the time!
You are awesome. Thanks!
I have been blessed in that Evan has only ever had a couple of tantrums during the “terrible twos” , I actually called them the mildly challenging twos.
The things we did that may have contributed to fewer tantrums is when he would get mad and not want to do something, instead of mirroring his behavior and getting mad at him for not listening, I smiled at him and got down to his level, speaking even more softly so he would have to be quiet to hear what I was saying.
I really believe kids are copy cats and so we just have to react with the way we want them to act.
If this didn’t work, I would carry him to his room or a quiet place and just sit there with him until he calmed down…then we’d talk, and I’d say do you ever see Mommy or Daddy, throwing things or yelling, that’s not the way to get what you want etc.. No point in trying to talk to an upset (usually tired) kid…wait until they are calm and then discuss.